For Rick (aka Phil)
You are the man I loved so much.
Wed over 50 years ago.
You fathered each of our three kids.
You watched each of them grow.
You were there for Cameron’s birth.
Saw him dead in that car.
You played great trumpet at our church.
You were such an anointed star.
I so wanted to grow old with you,
To lead a happy life.
To love you and be loved by you.
To rejoice in being your wife.
You couldn’t do that, though, could you?
You had to cheat, destroy, rage, hate,
You had to go your own bad way,
Pleased yourself, caused your own fate.
You ran your life into the ditch,
Your lifestyle stole your health.
Your evil choices smashed our lives,
Stole your love, time, freedom, wealth.
You came back, ill, in ’22,
A mere shell of a man.
You wouldn’t let God run your life,
That didn’t suit your plan.
The hurt you caused was terrible,
The years of pain so cruel,
The fear, abuse and lack of care,
The heartbreak of your rule.
You died almost six weeks ago.
I watched as you reaped what you’d sown.
Your final months were filled with pain.
You died, drugged-up, alone.
I know, though, that you made your peace
With God,before you died.
I know you’re home in Heaven now,
With Cameron by your side.
We could have had a lovely life.
I loved you, Oh, so much.
I yearned to feel some love from you,
To feel a kindly touch.
I miss you now, strangely enough,
Wish I’d been there when you died.
Wish I could have just held your hand
And stood there by your side.
Although you were a wretched man,
My heart was always yours.
Please know that I forgive it all,
Although you gave no cause.
I’m here alone with just two dogs
And the Holy Ghost and Fire,
But to meet Jesus, you and Cam in Heaven one day
Remains my heart’s desire.
I forgive you selflessly, totally, forever.
I won’t forget our happy times. Never, never, never.
Estelle Everingham.
T